-LRB- CNN -RRB- -- On most mornings , my better half wakes up around 5:30 , throws on some sweats and heads to the gym before work .

About a half hour later , I wake up my 13-year-old son , go downstairs to the kitchen to make his breakfast and pack his lunch . Once he 's out the door , I brew some coffee and get to work .

Ladies and gentlemen , may I present to you the `` gay lifestyle '' -- run for your heterosexual lives .

I understand opponents of gay rights must highlight differences in order to maintain the `` us against them '' tension that 's paramount to their arguments . But this notion that sexual orientation comes with a different and pre-ordained way of life -- as if we 're all ordering the No. 3 at a drive thru -- only highlights how irrational groups such as Focus on the Family , the Family Research Council , the American Family Association and others like them are in this whole debate .

Pro-marriage organizations try to stop two consenting adults from marrying . Pro-family groups try to stop stable couples wanting children from adopting unloved orphans .

And somehow , me doing something like going to the grocery store threatens the very fabric of society , as Oklahoma State Rep. Sally Kern spewed . She says `` the homosexual agenda is destroying this nation '' and `` homosexuality is more of a threat than terrorism . '' I 'm not sure what her idea of a gay lifestyle might be , but with a growing teenager , buying and cooking food dominates my day-to-day .

I do n't worship Barbra Streisand , I do n't watch any TV show with the word `` Housewives '' in its title and I love fishing , beer and Madonna . But more important , I 'm just a father trying to keep my son away from drugs , get him into college and have a little money left over for retirement . I 'm no sociologist but I 'm pretty sure those concerns are not exclusive to gay people .

In one of the most pivotal scenes in the biopic `` Milk , '' Harvey Milk , played by Sean Penn , gathers a group of community organizers and activists to come up with strategies to combat a 1978 ballot initiative that sought to ban LGBT -LRB- lesbian , gay , bisexual and transgender -RRB- teachers and their supporters from working in public schools in California . As the small crowd settles down , Milk quickly glances around the room and says . .

`` If we 're going to convince the 90 percent to give a -- about us 10 percent , we have to let them know who we are ... ''

`` What '' we are -- be it gay , straight , black , white -- is simply window dressing . `` Who '' we are is where the substance is , where the person is , where our humanity is .

Too often , discussions about gay people and gay rights focus on sex , as if a person 's entire being is defined by his or her Hollywood crush .

This fixation has been the crux behind attempts to link gay men to pedophilia -- from John Briggs , a state legislator from Orange County who introduced the proposed ban on gay teachers in California , to the Catholic League 's Bill Donohue , whose recent attempts to excuse the church for its global scandal coverup by seemingly blaming homosexuality -- and it 's a tactic that is evil incarnate .

`` The vast majority of the victims are post-pubescent , '' Donohue recently said on `` Larry King Live . '' `` That 's not pedophilia , buddy . That 's homosexuality . ''

Actually , Bill , sexual predators whose victims are 13 - to 17-years-old are called hebephiles -- a la Joey Buttafuoco , Madeleine Martin and Heather Kennedy -- not homosexuals . And that still does n't explain why the church opted to save face as opposed to , in the words of the infamous anti-gay figurehead Anita Bryant , `` Save our children . ''

Being gay does n't dictate how people live their lives any more than being straight does . There are gay people who go to church every Sunday and straight people who do not believe in God . There are single gay men who believe in the sanctity of marriage and married straight men who apparently do not -- such as Gov. Mark Sanford , ex-Sen . John Edwards and Sen. John Ensign , to name a few .

The truth is the only thing all gay people have in common -- you know , besides being gay -- is that we face continuous rhetorical , social and legal attacks for simply existing , thus potentially making something as mundane as bringing a date to a work function a fight-or-flee situation .

And yet , even in the face of that discrimination , LGBT people all handle it differently .

Some of us live in the closet , some of us do drag every Wednesday night , some of us are Republicans hoping to be change agents within a conservative sect and some of us are apathetic Democrats too dumb to carry on a conversation about anything other than Lady Gaga .

In other words , we 're just as diverse , intolerant , upstanding and tragic as our straight counterparts and unless there is an annual meeting I do n't know about , the only item on the much talked-about gay agenda is an abbreviated passage from the Declaration of Independence -- `` We hold these truths to be self-evident , that all men are created equal . ''

In 29 states , people can be fired simply for being gay regardless of their education , experience or job performance ; servicemen and women can be dismissed from the military regardless of their qualifications , dedication and courage ; and partners are unable to see their better halves in the hospital regardless of the love , commitment and life they share .

Wanting to be judged by the content of one 's character is n't a special right , it 's a constitutional one guaranteed by the 14th and 15th amendments .

And yet , 145 years since the abolition of slavery , 90 years since women were allowed to vote and 20 years since the Americans with Disabilities Act , we 're still involved in McCarthy-like investigations , holding Briggs-like elections and taking opinion polls based solely upon `` what '' someone is as opposed to `` who '' they are .

It 's sad . We 're such a great nation , still full of great hope and promise and yet we keep being tripped up by ignorance , which leads to fear and then eventually hate . Being gay is n't a choice , but being a bigot certainly is .

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of LZ Granderson .

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LZ Granderson : Is grocery shopping , getting my son off to school the `` gay lifestyle '' ?

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Granderson : Nonexistent gay lifestyle keeps up an `` us against them '' tension

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Gay rights foes drum up the fear of a link between gay men and pedophilia , he says

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He writes : Being judged by the content of one 's character is a constitutional right